


Uphill

by rixsig-writes (rixsig)



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Awkwardness, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2014-06-20
Packaged: 2018-02-05 10:49:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1815850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rixsig/pseuds/rixsig-writes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Souji is patient and Yosuke is already fed up with himself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Uphill

**Author's Note:**

> Aha, I swear this had a point when I first started writing it, oh well. 
> 
> Written in some fantasy-land where Souji doesn't move away because wish-fulfillment.

When Souji asks Yosuke out it goes a lot better than he expects. He's prepared himself for a lot of things going into this: confusion, bluster, denial, rejection. A whole slew of negative reactions seem likely from Yosuke “that's for girls” Hanamura. But Yosuke just clams up, turns red, and stares at his feet for a solid minute. After some stuttering false starts he chokes out a 'yeah' and it's settled. They're doing this.

Later, after they've had their first date—Souji made lunch at his place and they played videogames...Souji didn't think Yosuke was ready for anything else—Yosuke leans back into the couch, chewing on his lip.

“Hey...” Yosuke trails off. His hands tighten on the controller, “Why...why did you-”

Souji turns away from the screen to look at him and waits with trademark patience for Yosuke to gather his words. Yosuke darts a glance at him, takes a quick breath, and pushes it out slowly. He looks like he does in the middle of exams, like he's trying to solve a difficult problem, half on the edge of frustration and half ready to let his cares fly to the wind.

“W-why did you ask me out?”

“I wanted to,” Souji tilts his head, “Why did you say yes?”

“O-of course I—I mean, me too, I wouldn't say yes if I didn't want-” He huffs, “That's not the point!”

“What's the point then?”

“Ugh,” Yosuke grabs his hair and shakes his head, “Of course you're gonna make me say it. Fine, whatever. I-I mean why did you ask _me_. I've seen you go on dates and stuff, and dude, I don't even wanna know about those rumors with you and older women, but I've never seen you, y'know, go steady with someone. And I'm pretty sure you could just walk outside and ask some chick on the sidewalk and she'd be falling over herself to say yes. So I was wondering. Why me?”

“I like you,” Souji says, and gains immense satisfaction from Yosuke's flushed face.

“I-Idiot, you can't just—That's not what I—Look I meant _why_ do you like me.”

“Why?”

Yosuke glares at him, cheeks still red, “Now you're just messing with me, man. You have the whole town to choose from and you choose me? Even I have to admit I'm pretty average. E-even if you are into guys, I can't imagine I'd be up there you know? Couldn't catch a date in the city, couldn't get one here, and now suddenly I'm dating you? Doesn't make any sense.”

Souji feels a frown tugging at his lips; he doesn't like where this is going. Yosuke's staring at his hands, shoulders hunched. He looks defensive and small. Like he's expecting this to be one big joke where he's the punchline.

“Hey,” Souji says, ducking down to look Yosuke in the eye, “I don't want some random girl off the street. I don't want older women or the girls in school.” He can see Yosuke unfolding a little, cautiously, so he continues, “I want someone who's close to me. My equal.” Souji holds his gaze as Yosuke begins a fragile smile, eyes blinking faster than normal. Then Souji's mouth quirks up into a smirk, “I want a music addict that can't shut up and gets stuck in trash cans.”

“H-hey!” Yosuke laughs, punching Souji's shoulder, “That was one time! Uh, maybe two. Shut up! It's cause my bike is a piece of shit; it's not my fault.”

“Sure,” Souji says, leaning back and stretching his arms out along the back of the couch with a beatific smile.

Yosuke's mock-glaring falters out, melding into hesitance. He fidgets with the controller, brows furrowed, before setting it aside on the arm of the couch. There's a weighty pause and then his arm is stretching out and touching Souji's side. Yosuke grabs onto his shirt, his other hand balled up on his knee. It looks like it's taking him considerable effort to keep holding Souji's eyes. The moment stretches, stills.

“You don't have to do this,” Souji murmurs, “Any of this. You can say no.”

Yosuke's head does a small, abrupt shake, “I want to.”

Yosuke's hand tugs down at Souji's shirt, probably subconsciously, but Souji can feel the fabric move up and down his whole side, can feel the warmth of those fingers through the thinness of the fabric. His face must look intense because Yosuke's blushing again.

Souji could kiss him right now, probably. He has a feeling Yosuke wouldn't object. But there's something else he really wants too, so he leans forward and wraps his arms around him instead, one over his shoulders, one around his waist. Souji's face goes into the crook of Yosuke's neck and he lets himself smile. The headphones dig into his chin a little, but it's worth it. Yosuke stiffens up, but relaxes pretty quickly and lets his arms slide around Souji's chest.

“You're such a dork,” Yosuke says. Souji can feel Yosuke's larynx vibrate as he talks, the motion of his throat when he swallows.

“Hmm.”

“I...I don't know how...this...I don't know what I'm doing, partner.”

“I know.”

Souji's lips brush against Yosuke's skin as he replies and the muscles in Yosuke's neck jump.

“I really, really don't.”

“I know.”

Yosuke gives a watery chuckle and drops his nose onto the side of Souji's head. They stay that way for a while, settling into it until Yosuke breaks it off and snags the controller again.

“Come on, it's time for you to get schooled. Last time was a fluke okay, I am totally a master at this game.”

Souji can't help but notice how much closer they are this round. He can feel Yosuke's thigh pressed against his, and whenever Yosuke wins a match he presses his shoulder against Souji's, laughing. Souji ends up losing a lot. He doesn't mind.

 

* * *

 

Yosuke's in class staring at the back of Souji's neck. The teacher's voice fades into an indistinct drone at the edge of his thoughts and all Yosuke can think about is what Souji would do if he traced the bare skin above the collar of his uniform. Yosuke can feel his face heating and he curses his hair-trigger flush. He feels exposed, like the whole class can see through him and read his thoughts, and really, he thought he'd gotten over the mind-reader paranoia thing when he turned thirteen and really started _noticing_ girls but apparently that doesn't apply when he's...when he's noticing someone who's...when it's Souji.

Yosuke lets his face drop onto his arms and muffles his groan into the crook of his elbow. He's never had the best concentration but it really is shot now. Before he'd...admitted certain things to himself it had been easy to cut these thoughts off, shove them in a corner, and pretend they didn't mean anything, but now...well, it's like his brain isn't holding back anymore, making up for lost time.

“Psst, Yosuke wake up!” Chie hisses.

Yosuke jolts and lifts his head, wide-eyed. Chie twists around in her desk to look at him with a disapproving frown.

“Geez, you're even worse than usual tod—Woah, hey are you alright?”

Huh?

“Your face is all red. You're not sick are you?”

Shit, now Souji's turning around too.

“I'm fine!” Yosuke rubs a hand over his face, trying to get himself under control, “Just, uh, really tired today. Rough shift last night.”

Souji doesn't say anything, but Yosuke can still feel his eyes on him and that's almost as bad.

“If you say so,” Chie says doubtfully, thankfully dropping it and turning back to the front to say something to Yukiko. Souji looks at Yosuke a couple seconds longer before following suit. Yosuke keeps his sigh of relief internal.

 

* * *

 

It's later, when everyone's up on the roof for lunch, when Yosuke's absently picking through his instant noodles and trying very, very hard not to react to Souji's elbow brushing his side or the smell of Souji's shampoo whenever he turns his head, that he realizes how very, very screwed he is. He's not the kind of guy who can stay quiet. He's the kind of guy who wants to talk about the person he likes and go do sappy couple things and shout off rooftops and show her—him—off to the world. And the thought of doing those things with Souji is frankly terrifying, but...but not all in a bad way. In a dizzy, not-enough-oxygen way. Terrified-happy. And he knows, he _knows_ this isn't something he can keep bottled up for long. Like right now, even though he's still coming to terms with...with everything, he still wants to lean closer to Souji 'cause even though he's sitting too close, suspiciously close, it's not close enough, and—

“Yosuke!” Yukiko gasps, “Are you okay?”

Yosuke looks down at his left hand to find his instant noodle cup smashed. Most of the broth is on the floor and splattered on his feet and the hems of his uniform pant legs. The rest of his body mostly escaped, although there's a noodle hanging on for dear life from his knee.

Shit. Fuck.

“Heh aah ha, yeah! I'm good! Uh, it wasn't hot so it didn't burn me or anything,” Yosuke trades the smashed cup to his other hand and wipes his left on his pants, “I'm good.” He repeats. More noodles slither out of the cup and splat on the ground, “Aw man, there goes my lunch, I-”

“What's _wrong_ with you today?” Chie cuts him off, standing up and squinting at him, “You've been acting really strange.”

Yosuke holds his hands up in front of him, “Hey, chill, I've just been a little out of it. It's not a big deal.”

He looks off to the side and that's a mistake because he can see Souji staring at him with a frown and it makes Yosuke's heart jump to his throat and he reeeaaally doesn't need that right now. So he looks the other way and that turns out to be another mistake, because Rise and Naoto are both looking at him with scarily speculative expressions and he just can't right now. He can't deal with this.

“I'm just gonna head to the restroom and clean up a bit, alright? I'm a mess,” He laughs, hoping it doesn't sound unhinged, tries to scratch his head, remembers there's a cup in it, and drops his arm again. “Um, so,” He edges toward the door.

“Wait!” Chie plants her hands on her hips, “Yosuke, we're not idiots, what's wrong?”

Yosuke freezes with his hand on the door, a denial already on his lips but Souji cuts in before he can speak.

“Let it go, Chie.”

“But--!” She wavers.

Souji probably responds after that, but Yosuke's already flying down the stairwell.

 

* * *

 

 

Ten minutes later and Yosuke's sitting on the floor of a locked stall in the bathroom with his headphones on and blaring and his face in his knees, taking deep, deep breaths and trying desperately to get a fucking grip before lunch is over and he has to go back to class and pretend he's not in the midst of a personal crisis. A stupid crisis. Fuck, he knows he's being stupid and that makes everything so much worse.

He wipes the back of his hand over his eyes, slides his headphones back down to his neck, looks up and—

“What the _fuck_?” Yosuke yelps, “What are you doing?”

Souji's lying down on the floor peeking through the foot-long gap between the floor and the stall door. He seems strangely comfortable and doesn't seem to notice or care that someone could see him if they walked in. Yosuke has no idea how long he's been there.

“Waiting,” Souji shrugs. “Wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“That's...” Yosuke chuckles helplessly, “Partner, you...” His chuckles descend into watery laughter.

Souji raises an eyebrow, “So are you gonna let me in or not?”

“Yeah, sure, you weirdo.”

Yosuke staggers up to his feet and undoes the latch, and Souji steps in, locking the door behind him.

“Uuuuuh,” Yosuke says. The stall feels a lot smaller with Souji in it.

Souji grabs Yosuke's upper arm and leans in, focused intently on Yosuke's face. The atmosphere gets heavier. “I meant what I said before.”

“...huh?”

“You don't have to keep doing this. I won't...” He shakes his head, “We can just be friends, if that's what you want.”

“Huh!??” Yosuke feels shock ice through his stomach.

Souji lets go of him and leans back on the stall door, putting his hands in his pockets and looking off to the side, “You're getting second thoughts right?”

Souji keeps talking and distantly Yosuke hears something about their friendship or whatever but the only thing he can think about right now is how calm Souji's being, like he's talking about what groceries he's gonna get or something and it makes Yosuke's blood boil to think that Souji can be so relaxed about this when a single _thought_ about Souji can fling Yosuke's mind into such a gibbering mess that he can't fucking function for the rest of the day. And now Souji's, what, trying to give him an escape route? Does Souji want him to take it?

But when he does get in Souji's face, hands on Souji's shoulders so he can get him to just look him in the eye, goddamn it, his anger and suspicion vaporize. Souji's shoulders are so tense they're like stone, and so close like this, Yosuke can see the tightness in his mouth and around his eyes. Gently, Yosuke tugs on Souji's arms until his hands are freed from his pockets. They're clenched into fists.

Yosuke feels like an ass.

“No, no no no, that's not happening. Come here,” Yosuke says, wrapping an arm around him. Souji takes a small step forward and leans down a little so he can rest his forehead on Yosuke's shoulder. Souji's arms go around Yosuke's waist, clutching at the small of his back. “I'm not gonna do that. You can stop offering me an out, okay? I'm not gonna flip and peace out on you. I mean, I'm probably gonna freak out,” Yosuke smiles ruefully, “I'm probably gonna freak out a lot. But. You mean a lot to me. So it's worth it, alright?” Yosuke swallows, “...if you still wanna put up with me.”

Souji squeezes him, then lifts his head up and rests his forehead against Yosuke's. He's grinning, and compared to his usual placid expression it's like looking into the face of the sun.

“So...” Souji says after a lengthy pause, “What _were_ you freaking out over?”

“U-Uh well,” Yosuke coughs, “Um.”

“That's promising.” Souji's grin turns sly.

“S-shut up, we were in class and you were distracting and I was just having some trouble processing and oh my god why am I even talking about this.” Yosuke broke eye contact, “This is so embarrassing.”

“What part?” Souji asks.

“What...part...?”

“What part of me was distracting you?”

And there's the blush. “Ah. Um. Your neck.” Yosuke admits, looking very much like he'd like to sink through the floor.

Souji deliberately pulls one side of his collar down and twists his head to bare his neck and suddenly Yosuke's faced with an expanse of the pale skin under Souji's jaw and yeah, wow, he's into that. He's definitely into that. Souji's looking down at him through his lashes and he looks incredibly smug.

“Souji!” Yosuke hisses, punching his arm, “Stop it!”

Souji laughs and Yosuke just knows this'll come back to bite him later somehow. He groans and casts about for a subject change.

“Oh, and uh, the thing I was thinking about on the roof.” Yosuke kind of wants to hit himself 'cause this is an even worse topic, shit.

Souji quiets. Well too late to turn back now.

“What do you think about...telling them,” Yosuke fidgets, “About us. Sometime.”

Souji's eyes widen. “You want to tell them?”

“We don't have to!” Yosuke backpedals, “And I don't think I could right now, but y'know, maybe later..?”

“You...” Souji seems stunned, “I didn't think you'd want to.”

“If I'm being honest, even thinking about it gets me feeling nervous enough to throw up but,” Yosuke scratches his head, “I'm not a very subtle guy so...”

“No, really?” Souji deadpans.

“...so they're gonna notice something's up eventually.”

Souji nods, “Yeah.”

“Yeah.” Yosuke echoes lamely. And the awareness comes back to him, of the smallness of the space, Souji's hands on his waist, their faces so close they're almost exchanging breath. Yosuke could close that distance, if he wanted to.

The bell rings at that moment.

“Shit, we're gonna be late.” Yosuke disentangles himself from Souji's arms.

Souji sulks all the way through class, but Yosuke doesn't notice. He's too busy smiling and staring at Souji's neck. 


End file.
